Appreciating Schnellenberger

I love Howard Schnellenberger. I love him because my father and his tailgating friends revere him. I was a kid when he was here so I have few direct memories, though I do recall looking through Dad's binoculars and seeing the man with the white mustache, the tie and blazer and the trademark pipe, pacing the AstroTurf sidelines at Old Cardinal Stadium. But I know Schnellenberger from the stories and anecdotes and imitations of his baritone voice -- how he addressed every player by number rather than name ("get in theeerrreee, forty-threee, and show 'em what you're maaade ooof"), how he threw the football downfield every play after an opponent's turnover because "that's how you kick a dooog when he's dooown," how he never wavered, but repeated his declaration over and over (and over) that "We are on a collision course with the national championship. The only variable is time."

Why bring this up now? It's a new football season and the home opener is this Saturday, which means that the Schnellenberger stories will be in full flourish. Stories about Howard -- and every football fan from those years has them -- are one of the ingredients that gives Louisville tailgating its distinctive flavor. I love hearing them, partly because the gruff Howard impersonations are so funny, partly because they connect me to an era when everything surrounding the football program and its head coach was unprecedented, foolishly optimistic, possible.

My favorite Howard Tale is known as the Rolling Stones story, originally attributed to former U of L linebacker and DeSales high school grad Mark Sanders. The story goes: some time in the '80s, football practice at Old Cardinal Stadium started late because the Rolling Stones were in town and tuning up for a concert that night. Schnellenberger, predictably enough, was upset that things weren't running on schedule. He confronted the first person of the Stones' entourage he could find. "Hey Theeerrreee, Hippie Boooyyy," Howard thundered at Mick Jagger while jabbing him with his finger, "Get Off My Damn Foootbaaall Fieeeld!" Jagger was left speechless, and Schnellenberger returned to his players and assistant coaches, probably ready to call security, never realizing he had assaulted a rock icon. Not that he would have given a damn had he been so informed.

So when I read this piece in the Omaha World Herald previewing Nebraska's upcoming game against Florida Atlantic, the football program Schnellenberger has built from scratch (!) to win the New Orleans Bowl in 2007 and the Motor City Bowl last year, I was both heartened and nostalgic... not to mention amused to read that the old ball coach referred to underdog matchups as "advanced training games." I was also curious enough that I dug up a few YouTube videos to see if he's still the same cantankerous persona and blunt instrument that he was at Louisville. Thankfully, he is. Enjoy Cards fans!

First video -- Florida local coverage of Schnellenberger trying to relate to students and get them excited about Florida Atlantic's showdown with then #6 South Florida in 2007. The gems are the smaller details: reaction of startled students in the foreground when coach gives an ear-deafening whistle; Schnellenberger calling a player "Fifty-six" rather than by his name during a film session, seen at about the 00:55 mark.

Second video -- apparently, Howard skipped an important step of his pregame ritual at the Motor City Bowl.


Third video -- This is my favorite, a preseason FAU video. Most of it is irrelevant, so skip to about the 2:45 mark, when the coach (wearing a t-shirt and suspenders here) is asked about the big game that season against Texas. This apparently became a controversial comment before the season started (FAU lost 52-10). True to form, Schnellenberger is talking into his moustache and difficult to understand, so you may have to listen with headphones. I heard it several times, however, and this is what I made out: "We'll compete with Texas... Texas is a very polished team, it has great talent; (voice lowering, eyebrows shuttering with disapproval) but Texas has never really been a tough team, a physically tough team. And if MY defense gets to the point that I think it'll get, we'll be mean, nasty, ornery bastards." Vintage Howard.